I remember early on in my faith life sincerely praying for God’s plan for my life to be revealed. I wanted God to give me the instructions and to tell me His will for my life. I wanted directions like what is my vocation, what job should I do, where should I live, etc. etc. Not just the “love God above all and love your neighbor as yourself “instructions. Very young and immature.
I am thankful for the drive I had in wanting to do God’s will in my life, but I may have gone places not meant for me to go. And maybe I should have landed in places I didn’t have the courage to go. Thankfully God is everywhere and even when I got off the path, He was with me.
I woke up this morning thinking about the hiccups in life, the things that don’t go smoothly when life has disruption and changes. Hiccups come unexpectedly. Life is going great then someone dies, I lose a job.. things in life we all experience sickness, death of a love one or bumps in relationships. — or the hiccup of sin!
I am thankful for a God who knew long before I was born that hiccups would happen. Maybe the hardships was to make me lean on Him. And thankful that He died for my sins as a way to bring me closer to Him.
I believe my wanting God to TELL me His will was so I can do it right and not make mistakes. I wanted to be good and right and wanted to make God happy. He probably got a good laugh and He also saw my brokenness. He had to teach me that I didn’t need to earn approval. He loves me unconditionally.
Not sure where I am going with these reflections but I do know God loves me. I don’t have to be perfect but need to strive to be better. I may fall off the path but He provides the way to get back on track.
Prayer for me has been keeping the conversation going with God. Or sitting in His presence even when I didn’t feel like it but knowing I loved Him. Prayer is also action for me, giving of myself even when I want to be selfish. Forgiving when I want to be angry. Prayer is walking with God, reading His words, listening to stories of the faithful… St. Paul says to pray with ceasing, prayer is offering self to God in everything. Prayer is giving up my sins to God so He can forgive, Prayer is telling God my brokenness so He can heal me. My prayer makes me want to bring everyone to God and God to everyone.
I remember one prayer experience on a retreat a very long time ago. The retreatants were able to lay prostrated before the Blessed Sacrament. I remember telling God all those I was praying for and remember the feeling of people walking across me, as though I was a bridge. Suddenly there was an urgency to pray for more people, not just family and friends but people I didn’t even know. And that is what prayer is to me even to this day, bringing myself and others to God.
Always reflecting more…. my being where I am may have come from zigging when I should have been zagging but every experience has brought me to God. Not perfect, still a sinner, still searching for where I need to be and thankful for being in His presence. I am in God’s presence even when I am unaware of how close He is to me.