I was dreaming about the Lion last night. The Lion is the symbol of the Gospel of Mark.
Yes, I do remember as a young woman reading about the rich young man. This is the scripture that inspired me to give up my job, possessions and go work with the poor along side Caritas in Abita Springs. Now I wasn’t really rich, but I had a job, car and clothes.
I never wanted to be the rich young man who couldn’t surrender everything to God. I was young and really didn’t know what it meant to give it all to God. I am not sure I gave it all with the right attitude so truly didn’t give it all. I wanted God to be happy with me because I was a God addict. My early days of serving God could almost be classified as co-dependency to God (except theologically I think that would be incorrect). And that took me to Matthew 25:21-46 – “The Last Judgment”… I wanted to do it all.
I believe my early years of running with my bible is what draws me to the Church and instruction in my later years. Direction, purpose.. I needed a guide. I sometimes wonder if God really asked me to give it all up, or was it my interpretation. I didn’t have a lot of good counselors or advisors. But even if it was a mistake it has been a great exercise of trusting God.
I didn’t stay with Caritas for a lifetime but the time I had with them did teach me many lessons on keeping life simple, trusting God and it did help me find the other tools for directions. The journey continues, my favorite saying is “I may have zigged when I should have zagged but since God is everywhere I am always covered”. And a prayer I identify with is:
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” ― Thomas Merton,